Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Found your dick twin last night
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
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Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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