Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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