just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize