I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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