I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize