hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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