Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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