Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
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