Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
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Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
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Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
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