doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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