we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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