Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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