No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
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Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
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Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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