Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Randomize
Follow @tfln