I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize