To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
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You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
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So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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