So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize