i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
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i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
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He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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