id be glad to
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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