Old men and throwing up are my life now.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize