just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
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If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
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We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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