Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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