new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
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Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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