weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize