dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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