someone get that fucking seahorse.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
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Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
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BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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