It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize