how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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