I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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