do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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