I need help removing her.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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