It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
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So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
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We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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