so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize