I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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