saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize