I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I currently don't understand fingers.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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