I hope mine doesn't look like that
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
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He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
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I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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