We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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