Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
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she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There r osticjed everywhere
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
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I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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