Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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