just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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