I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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