Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
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I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
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It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize