mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize