Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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