My room smells like vodka and shame
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
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she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
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I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
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