You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
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yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
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Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think I just shit out all my problems.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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