So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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