Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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