I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
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Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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